All The Facts About Gash You Never Wanted To Know

I was mortified when my ‘lube drawer’, as it was nicknamed, was discovered but I couldn’t care less now.

People dressed in costumes actually scare me more than I thought, as proven when I saw a giant teddy bear walking around outside Build-A-Bear in Liverpool One. I froze and had to run into HMV to get away from it.

My funeral is going to be fun. No black, no hymns, just recalling fun times I had and singing Spice Up Your Life.

I regularly discuss my general distain of vagina when drunk - “There’s just too many flaps!”

I have a small scar on my knee from falling off my yellow BMX and hitting a wall as a child, yet when I accidentally flipped myself over the handlebars of the frigging thing I came away shaken but unscathed.

I sometimes feel I connect more with my dog that I do with most humans.

If I was in a pop band, I’d be the one doing the whispered vocals.

I used to have the weakest stomach imaginable. The mere sight of someone chewing with their mouth open/vomming/etc used to make me throw up, nowadays I can deal with it a bit better.

I once was in a band that recorded one demo of three S Club 7 songs achieved great worldwide sucess.

Once, our Science class was being let go for lunch and I’d bent down to do my shoelace. Just as I finished tying it, I heard Miss Stretch (no joke) lock the door. I got to the door and no-one was around. FAIL. I was let go by another teacher while the class she had all laughed at me.

I can’t be trusted in charity shops. I always come away with millions of CD’s. Today’s included Five, Ace Of Base, Richard Blackwood, Lolly and MC Hammer.

I wrote to Blackpool Council begging them to get Steps to switch on the Illuminations in 2000 after Westlife was announced. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Steps had not only been asked to do so in 2001 but had agreed to do so. So, any of you who saw them out there - BOW DOWN TO ME.

I have far too many body issues to begin to count. I honestly couldn’t name a single thing about myself that I liked.

I hate Christmas more than I hate Michael Winner, and I despise Michael Winner.

I buy every single by The Saturdays twice physically (one to stay clean, one to be signed) and at least once from everywhere possibly digitally. I also have all their radio promo’s and the Malaysian copy of Chasing Lights.